Personal

What to say on the personal page? I guess that goes back to an eternal question. Right now, my ‘personal’ life isn’t much to work with. This is of my own choosing for the time being, but that does not by any means signify ‘loser’ status. I have always been somewhat of a loaner, I was after all an only child until I was 14, but that is for another page. The majority of my efforts and energy are currently focused on work, has been since she left in April…

I live in Louisville, Kentucky. I was born and raised in the suburbs of Philadelphia, PA. Once again I digress on that story for another page. However from the personal standpoint, when I moved to Kentucky, I was not alone. She was a high school sweetheart of sorts, or a ‘fling’ if you will. We parted ways when a better option for me came around then, and re-connected when I was the best option for her. She was unhappy at home, and had come out of an abusive relationship not long before that. I presented what she needed. I presented security, safety, reliability, and I guess enough in common to deal with. We started ‘dating’ in April of last year on a trip to the shore with some friends. I had already been looking for other opportunities within my company at the time, and when I was turned down for one and expressed my joy that I didn’t have to leave her, she simply stated; “I would have gone with you.” That one phrase changed my life as I know it right now.

Knowing her level of dedication, I continued to persue employment in other places within the company. I had conquered the retail services part of the business, and was tiring of the every day pressures and game to ‘hit my numbers.’ I felt as if there was more to my talents, and wanted to explore where they could take me. Then came the call that has defined my life as it is. I received a call in regards to an application that I had submitted, to work at Geek Squad City. Within a matter of weeks, I was flying to Louisville for a final interview. I had her blessing to take the job, and she was 100% committed to be here with me. I of course took the job, and 3 weeks later, we packed up and moved out here. At this point, we were together for approximately 4 months…

The first few weeks were great. The adventures we found every day, the people we met, the things we learned. The sex was fantastic, we were deeply in love, and we were making our own life together. Things quickly went down hill when she could not get employed in her job field, and was forced to take a job in retail.

Only 5 months after moving out here, she wanted to move home. I had to practically drag her kicking and screaming back to Kentucky after the Christmas holiday. Then in January of this year, the decision was made. February 18th, she was moving home. 4 days after Valentine’s Day(I’m not one for holidays like that, but isn’t that shitty?).

I had to mentally prepare myself to be without her, and I did. I have always been very good about taking a negative, and even when I cannot change it, just living with it. I am able to wrap my mind around just about any situation and if for nothing else, understand it. I had accepted that she was leaving. Then she changed her mind, on February 13th. After a long conversation with her mother, and then with me, she decided to stay at least a few more months. She had planned to retry finding a job in her profession, and seemed to have a new lease on life.  Life-leases seem to run short though…

By May 1st, the decision had changed once again. She made a lame attempt at finding a good job, and once again, just gave up. I still have not decided whether she missed her parents, sister, friends, boyfriends etc. back home, or if she was just sick of me. Mostly I feel it was both. The date was set, April 1st. On May 31st, her mother, sister and her sister’s boyfriend arrived after the 12 hour drive, and we all went out to dinner. The whole thing was really very pleasant.

You see, she was under the impression that we were still going to be together when she left. She was under the impression that I was going to try to move back to PA. Yes, I deceived them. Yes, it was probably wrong. I felt that it had to be done. Her mother is probably the most vindictive, synical woman I have ever had the displeasure of speaking with, and she never, not once in her life, supported what we were doing. I knew that if I dropped this bombshell before they left, that my existence would be made painful at best.

They left at 6:00 AM on April 1st, 2007. I hugged her, and told her I loved her. She said ‘I know’, and walked out. I watched them pull away, and went back into our apartment. For the first time in months, I felt light on my feet. The whole stressful mess that we had made, was gone. The situation was behind me, almost entirely. There was just one thing left to do, end it with her. Once again, I did what is probably considered by most to be ‘dirty’, but hey, I did it, and I can admit it. I refused to call her or return her calls all day. This was because during that Sunday, I sat much as I do now telling you this, and wrote her a letter. The letter was 6 pages long, and although I will not share it here, it laid out my deepest feelings on the entire situation. I cut off all contact with her, and wished her well in her life. Regardless of what she had done to me, or what I had been through, or vice-versa, I truly wished happiness on her, because I felt that she deserved it. That was it….

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