24 Hours

The title could mean just about anything right? To me as of about 5 minutes ago, it means 24 hours without a cigarette. I have been taking a new prescription called Chantix to help me stop smoking. The little pill is quite amazing in that somehow it changes how the cigarette tastes, and makes it undesirable. The first week you gradually increase the dosage, and can continue to smoke while taking it. I found myself several times smoking 1/2 the cigarette, or taking a couple of drags, and putting it out for fact of the foul taste. I smoked the last of a pack last night around 1 AM, and since I had only one day left in the week anyway, figured it made no sense to buy a pack for just one day. See, once you hit the second week and double the dose, the package says these pills in combination with cigarettes can do some weird shit to you.

I kept myself pretty busy today with things around the house. I vacuumed the entire apartment, put away clean dishes and took out all of the trash. I also rented a couple of movies, watched some college football and played a little bit of Guitar Hero III. The cravings are there, at the ’scheduled’ times when it was a routine to smoke a cigarette. After I eat and now late at night before bed I find to be the most difficult times. I know this pales in comparison to what I will go through Tuesday night when I begin my venture home to Philly for the Thanksgiving weekend and my sister’s birthday. I’ll be in my car for 12 hours over night, and not be able to smoke. It will be quite a challenge for sure, but if I am going to begin to make positive change in my life, it has to happen.

 On the lighter side of things, my recent doctor’s appointment yielded relatively positive results in the form of my blood tests. Apparently even though I am 100 pounds overweight, my cholesterol is normal, my blood pressure is only slightly elevated, and my blood sugar is low. The only thing I can attribute this to is the fact that I don’t typically eat a lot of junk food, no candy or cookies really, and that I am only 22. Being only 22, I know if I do not make life-style changes now, 32 might be pushing my luck….

Can’t sleep.

Here I am just after 5:30 AM on a Saturday morning, and I have not slept a single wink all night long. I have had a very hard time getting several thoughts out of my head related to work and my personal life as it stands right now. Last night at work was very difficult, and though I will not go into details, if I can pull my team through this situation it will prove my abilities as a leader, and could end my career if not. Aside from that I have really been doing a lot of soul searching about the things that are meaningful in my life, with the intent of putting all of the pieces back together.

For quite some time now I have been primarily focused on my career and improving my professional reputation with a goal of making more money so that I may enjoy the finer things in life. Who doesn’t want to do that right? I think however that I have lost the focus on why I am working, and what the ends were meant to be in the first place. We work to put a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs and keep the lights on and the gas in the car. That is the basic purpose of why people work. But the reason that I moved 700 miles from home and have dedicated the better part of my life to my work is more than basic. I want to own a home, and pay off debts to which I have managed to amass more than my share. I want to be able to travel, and own nice things. Hell, right now I would like to have enough money saved away to cover my insurance deductible should the need arise.

It is time for change. As I sit here looking at the remnants of my late night Taco Bell runs from this week, ash trays full of cigarette butts, and pizza boxes on my kitchen table, I realize that this is not me. I am focused on my goals, and intent on success. I am diligent in my day-to-day activities and routines and I do not accept anything less than the best. But for sometime now I have merely been ‘getting by’ in life and have let many things go.

My father recently had a mild heart attack, which woke me up somewhat due to the fact that he is not even 42 years old, he and I are the same height and I outweigh him by 100 pounds. He and I both smoke, which must have played a large part in his condition. This along with the fact that I engage in very little physical activity that isn’t required by my job has gotten me on edge about my health. I have not seen a doctor in almost two years, so I got a referral from my boss and made an appointment for a full physical and work up November 7th. That will be one major step towards my goals in my personal life.

Aside from my health, I need to get my financial situation in order. I have managed to build up credit card debt at about 80% of the credit lines I carry. I have student loans, and car loans out that will require payments for some time to come. I make more money than any person I know of my age, or in my position, and yet I am still living basically paycheck-to-paycheck. Where has all of the money gone? I did some basic financial analysis of my spending over the last 6 months, and have found that I spend over $400 a month on ‘Dining’. That means stopping for fast food, eating off of the lunch truck at work, and ordering take out pizza. This has got to change. I buy groceries to the tune of around $270 every month, but somehow manage to need to spend $400 more just feeding myself. The old me, the focused and determined me will make this change.

Along with saving money, I need to eat better and be more active, A LOT more active. I do not need a doctor to tell me that I’m overweight, have a low lung capacity and overall poor health. I need to focus myself on a routine. I need to get up every morning and make it to the gym. I need to ride my bike when the weather is nice, and spend less time sitting on the couch. I fear that if I do not do so, and soon, I am heading for a very bleak future in that I will work myself to death at one point, and have had nothing of any real substance to show for it all. This changes now. I need to begin to use the same determination that I have exhibited for years in my professional and personal life, renew that energy, and simply do it. No more excuses. Go big or go home. There is no try, there is only do or do not. Just do it.

Been a long time…

I realize it has been a very long time since I posted anything new, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t something new to talk about. In all honesty, I have been very conflicted recently, and had a lot of things going on both in my professional and personal life. I feel as if I have to be at the least a little cautious about what I write on the internet when it comes to things that effect other people.

Over the last month or so, I have been through a grueling personal and professional drama that surrounded one of my best friends getting terminated from work. Having to watch a person I considered a personal friend and mentor go through the trials and tribulations that ensued was a very difficult time in my life. Finally able to put it all behind me, albeit the outcome not what I wanted, I was more recently able to move on.

Last weekend I traveled to my hometown in Bucks County, PA for the Labor Day weekend. I had not seen my family back home since the end of April, and it was definitely time for a trip. I drove of course, 1700 miles total in just 5 days. I like to drive however, especially in my new car. Even though it is tiring, I feel the need every now and then to just, go….

After coming back from this trip, it was time to make a decision in my professional life that would also significantly effect my personal life. I had the opportunity to get promoted to the rank of Deputy Director of Counter Intelligence. To the average person, the term ‘Assistant Manager’ will fit here. I was also in line to transfer to another department within my facility, and be part of an area of the business I am very interested in, and can forsee myself spending years working in.

Finally today, the decision was made, and I accepted the position of Deputy of Counter Intelligence – Data Reconniassance Division. I will be supervising Agents who work on recovering customer’s lost data and restoring their precious information to them. It is an area of our business that I feel very passionate about, and look forward to helping this business blossom into the enterpise that it can become. Feels as if a weight has been lifted off my chest at this point. I hope now I can move forward and face all of the new challenges with the same vigor that I have taken on others in my life. That’s all for today…

Very cool experience…

I had perhaps one of the coolest experiences of my career today, on a Saturday of all days. I was asked this week to participate in a Back to School fair at Trinity Life Center in Shepherdsville, KY. (http://www.trinityag.net/) Apparently there are a few of the citizens at Geek Squad City whom are members of this church, and asked if The Geek Squad could send a contingent to this event to help talk about internet safety with parents and kids.

Several pieces of this event make it unique and exciting to me. The kids were great, the parents were receptive and all were very involved and interested in our message. The staff at TLC was warm and accomodating, even letting us bring Geek 19 into their sanctuary and use it as our booth for the event. Even though this was an on the clock work event, it was even more valuable because it was incredibly rewarding to take part in giving back to the community that I have called home for the past year.

On the Geek Squad side, this day was very fun for me, because I was honored to have the responsibility of caring for Geek 19, the GeekMobile® that was the personal vehicle of our founder and Chief Inspector, Robert Stephens. It was challenging for me, having been a novice driver of a manual transmission at the best, and realizing that if I returned the vehicle unharmed, I would likely be allowed to drive it again. If I damaged the vehicle, I would likely be asked to turn in my badge….

This is one of those moments in your career when you re-focus on why you are doing what you are doing. The pride in the brand, the customer service and community focus that we have. That is what it’s all about…

The long journey back to civilization

I am writing this from my cell phone in John Wayne Airport in cali….time to return to life…:(